2011. I ended 2010 feeling pensive, hopeful, and a little bittersweet. But guess all of 2010's been swept under the rug by the much better 2011. 2011 is so far my best year ever! So much so, I am perpetually afraid it's gonna be a downhill from here. You know, we all have this weird feeling that when everything is doing well, we have this fear that something will just get shitty and ruin everything and snowball into something larger than you can manage. But I've somehow acquired the skills to live beyond that fear. Fear in itself is a reasoning and with any reasoning, you can always have a counter-reasoning, equally fitting, equally wise. And that was my 2011. Keeping the fear, but reasoning with it.
50% Alcohol
50% Alcohol
I basically spent the first half of my year drunk. I mean really, since January, I never had a weekend I am not drunk, it's either I am drunk or dipshit drunk. Those were the only choices. And a weekend where I didn't get drunk is a bad weekend. It came to a point where I drink alone at home if I cannot go out like if it's raining or I finished up my budget. I was basically just brandishing myself an alcoholic. No, seriously it wasn't that bad, but it was bad enough that I crave for that precious, little, painful hangover every Sunday morning and looking forward to drinking that Pocari Sweat, which miraculously removes the hangover (and it comes with a cool lime-y taste). This stupor only concluded sometime around June or July when I realized that it's expensive to be drunk all the time. And also, not cool.
Walk the Shore
In 2010, I avoided the beach like a plague. For some reason, I've only been to the beach once last year, and it wasn't even during the summer; and when I did go to the beach, I got stung by a jelly fish. What gives, right? But in 2011, I've been to the beach 4 times and got stung by jellyfishes zero times. Huzzah! Twice in Boracay, and twice in Batangas. 3 of those spent drunk, 3 of those during the first half of the year and one of those spent very pensively and sober.
Few people understand my hesitation to travel far. I am stressed out by the unfamiliarity of a foreign place and the effort of packing and traveling with 3 large bags, accompanied by the possibility of being asked to work remotely (my server has a habit of crashing while I am on a vacation--no matter how I prepare ahead of it, it's Murphy's Law dumping shit on me). I canceled my Indonesia trip last February due to some irrational fear of traveling and some financial hesitations. But as I am still not very fond of traveling far from my comfort zone, which is Metro Manila (go, laugh), so to speak, the money supposedly for Indonesia went to Boracay on an April. I must have fallen in love with Boracay during January that I decided to spend my hard-earned money on it again on the same year for instead of going elsewhere. But it's more of being acquainted with it, and the familiarity with its beauty that made me decide. That said, I traveled this year, took baby steps to conquer my self-induced agoraphobia. And mostly, all those travels were spent walking on the shore. I love being on the beach alone, it gives me so much time to think and acquire humility in the presence of the sea.
It is by the sea that I recovered myself and realized that I can survive possibly anything.
Burn
Financially, I've recovered. I've had 400% more trips this year compared to last year, but I've recovered this year. Started investing, too and I expect myself to be debt-free first quarter of next year. Looking forward to this, actually. It's a happy thought and a goal that makes me so proud of myself. I also avoided spending on gadgets this year, which is something that I believe is an achievement already.
Career on the other hand has been more stressful compared to last year. I am experiencing a paradigm shift and is expected perform a different role next year, although its toll I've started to feel.
Luckily, I have not been to any sort of trouble this year, didn't get hospitalized or whatnot, and I managed to get "some" abdominals and really really flat stomach. It was surprising when I realized where I've gone to, only to lose it weeks after as it is nearing the holidays and binge eating is fun, especially when depression from insomnia sets in. Haha!
I've also read, well, 1 book this year! Crappy compared to my records way back, but hey, I just got back to reading and writing again, and hopefully this is something I can continue. I've also seen some of the old movies I really really wanna see like Gone With The Wind and Pulp Fiction, and oh, the joy they brought me!
Feel like I'm Living the...
Things from 3 years back came rushing forward to slap me on the face this year, and if anything I can now relate to how that living the Teenage Dream feels. Twice. I felt giddy when it comes to matters of the heart. Ever since the second half of the year, it's all been a roller coaster ride, bipolar swings if you may. Sometimes extremely high and positive, sometimes low and dreary. But all is good, thank God. Just one major heartbreak during the first quarter, and one really filled with questioning and self-doubt. Probably that caused my stupors to rampage into something addictive, but what's good was that it taught me a lot. It really did and I am thankful that happened. It was sad, but I got a lot out of it. I got a new me. A better me, I believe.
I did get some things I want this year in this department. I am very thankful to have spent some time with good people who treated me generously and kindly during our time together. But, at the end of the day, I am concluding this year alone. Thing is, I am satisfied with the fact that I am single during this time of the year. I mean, can you imagine having to join your partner shopping for gifts? On my own, I cannot manage traversing a mall, what more if I am with someone. Seriously speaking, I am quite satisfied. Not that I don't want to be in a commitment, but sometimes, well, you don't have a choice. Haha! You know, you don't work out with the people you like, and you are left alone, waiting for something good to come. And I've learned this year that it pays to wait. I waited three years. And it paid off. Thanks for being part of my 2011.
The Reverse Path
I always like the saying, "Trust God's design. He made the world round so that even when two people chose to walk two opposite paths, they would always meet somewhere in the middle." I never got to reconcile with that friend from 2010, but the thing is, I couldn't care less about it. It was just, I don't care anymore. I mean I gave it my best, made myself look like a fool and all apologies have been thrown to my face like a dirty rug, and I took it all. I took it. I braved that. And still nothing. And that's when I learned when to quit and accept some things work that way. Work better when they are broken. Sometimes, I overvalue closure. Sometimes, the only closure you get is the lack of it. And you have to respect that.
I gained a lot of great friends this year, anyways. My efforts to open up to new people paid off and I met a lot of new great people who helped me so much in the past year. These guys taught me a lot about myself and what I am capable of and what's my value--this I tend to underrate. I actually thought that with these friends, I don't need to be in a relationship. Them along with my other friends made me feel so much loved that I could not have asked for anything more.
I managed to nourish old friendships and make new ones. And I owe a lot to these people, to my friends, as they help me become better everyday.
In very vague points, let me highlight my 2011, this part is useful if you didn't read anything above.
10. No Shiny New Toy
9. Be Polite and Say Goodbye
8. Keep Moving Forward
7. Fear of Flying
6. Kissing in the Drunken Dark
5. The Sea
4. Relocate the Stapler
3. The Corrections
2. Lounging on the Ultra
1. The One that Got Away
In 2010, I avoided the beach like a plague. For some reason, I've only been to the beach once last year, and it wasn't even during the summer; and when I did go to the beach, I got stung by a jelly fish. What gives, right? But in 2011, I've been to the beach 4 times and got stung by jellyfishes zero times. Huzzah! Twice in Boracay, and twice in Batangas. 3 of those spent drunk, 3 of those during the first half of the year and one of those spent very pensively and sober.
Few people understand my hesitation to travel far. I am stressed out by the unfamiliarity of a foreign place and the effort of packing and traveling with 3 large bags, accompanied by the possibility of being asked to work remotely (my server has a habit of crashing while I am on a vacation--no matter how I prepare ahead of it, it's Murphy's Law dumping shit on me). I canceled my Indonesia trip last February due to some irrational fear of traveling and some financial hesitations. But as I am still not very fond of traveling far from my comfort zone, which is Metro Manila (go, laugh), so to speak, the money supposedly for Indonesia went to Boracay on an April. I must have fallen in love with Boracay during January that I decided to spend my hard-earned money on it again on the same year for instead of going elsewhere. But it's more of being acquainted with it, and the familiarity with its beauty that made me decide. That said, I traveled this year, took baby steps to conquer my self-induced agoraphobia. And mostly, all those travels were spent walking on the shore. I love being on the beach alone, it gives me so much time to think and acquire humility in the presence of the sea.
It is by the sea that I recovered myself and realized that I can survive possibly anything.
Burn
Financially, I've recovered. I've had 400% more trips this year compared to last year, but I've recovered this year. Started investing, too and I expect myself to be debt-free first quarter of next year. Looking forward to this, actually. It's a happy thought and a goal that makes me so proud of myself. I also avoided spending on gadgets this year, which is something that I believe is an achievement already.
Career on the other hand has been more stressful compared to last year. I am experiencing a paradigm shift and is expected perform a different role next year, although its toll I've started to feel.
Luckily, I have not been to any sort of trouble this year, didn't get hospitalized or whatnot, and I managed to get "some" abdominals and really really flat stomach. It was surprising when I realized where I've gone to, only to lose it weeks after as it is nearing the holidays and binge eating is fun, especially when depression from insomnia sets in. Haha!
I've also read, well, 1 book this year! Crappy compared to my records way back, but hey, I just got back to reading and writing again, and hopefully this is something I can continue. I've also seen some of the old movies I really really wanna see like Gone With The Wind and Pulp Fiction, and oh, the joy they brought me!
Feel like I'm Living the...
Things from 3 years back came rushing forward to slap me on the face this year, and if anything I can now relate to how that living the Teenage Dream feels. Twice. I felt giddy when it comes to matters of the heart. Ever since the second half of the year, it's all been a roller coaster ride, bipolar swings if you may. Sometimes extremely high and positive, sometimes low and dreary. But all is good, thank God. Just one major heartbreak during the first quarter, and one really filled with questioning and self-doubt. Probably that caused my stupors to rampage into something addictive, but what's good was that it taught me a lot. It really did and I am thankful that happened. It was sad, but I got a lot out of it. I got a new me. A better me, I believe.
I did get some things I want this year in this department. I am very thankful to have spent some time with good people who treated me generously and kindly during our time together. But, at the end of the day, I am concluding this year alone. Thing is, I am satisfied with the fact that I am single during this time of the year. I mean, can you imagine having to join your partner shopping for gifts? On my own, I cannot manage traversing a mall, what more if I am with someone. Seriously speaking, I am quite satisfied. Not that I don't want to be in a commitment, but sometimes, well, you don't have a choice. Haha! You know, you don't work out with the people you like, and you are left alone, waiting for something good to come. And I've learned this year that it pays to wait. I waited three years. And it paid off. Thanks for being part of my 2011.
The Reverse Path
I always like the saying, "Trust God's design. He made the world round so that even when two people chose to walk two opposite paths, they would always meet somewhere in the middle." I never got to reconcile with that friend from 2010, but the thing is, I couldn't care less about it. It was just, I don't care anymore. I mean I gave it my best, made myself look like a fool and all apologies have been thrown to my face like a dirty rug, and I took it all. I took it. I braved that. And still nothing. And that's when I learned when to quit and accept some things work that way. Work better when they are broken. Sometimes, I overvalue closure. Sometimes, the only closure you get is the lack of it. And you have to respect that.
I gained a lot of great friends this year, anyways. My efforts to open up to new people paid off and I met a lot of new great people who helped me so much in the past year. These guys taught me a lot about myself and what I am capable of and what's my value--this I tend to underrate. I actually thought that with these friends, I don't need to be in a relationship. Them along with my other friends made me feel so much loved that I could not have asked for anything more.
I managed to nourish old friendships and make new ones. And I owe a lot to these people, to my friends, as they help me become better everyday.
In very vague points, let me highlight my 2011, this part is useful if you didn't read anything above.
10. No Shiny New Toy
9. Be Polite and Say Goodbye
8. Keep Moving Forward
7. Fear of Flying
6. Kissing in the Drunken Dark
5. The Sea
4. Relocate the Stapler
3. The Corrections
2. Lounging on the Ultra
1. The One that Got Away
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